41 Thoughts I Had Watching GBBO - Series 7 Episode 2

So today it's just Mel delivering innuendos and consoling bakers when everything goes buns up. 
"And it's biscuit week!!!"

"I'll eat a bit of carpet" - Mary Berry 2k16
The first challenge...it be to make 24 identical iced biscuits. They can be of anything the bakers like but they need to look exactly the same, apparently.
Sometimes when I look at Mel I think she belongs in a Wallace and Gromit movie.
Oh Paul's gonna get his dunk on. Let's hope no one thinks Jaffa Cakes are biscuits and makes him those to dunk again.
Welsh Louise is going for sheep Brith biscuits. The Internet tells me that 'brith' is the Welsh word for 'speckled'. 



Lovely Val, being the woman after my own heart that she is, is making ice cream-shaped biscuits. Yesssss.
Andrew, meanwhile, is making super cute bee biscuits and according to Mel, the scent of Kate's biscuits is "slightly skincare'. Not sure that's a good thing.
Tom is the name of Vampire Weekend guy. And he's making coffee biscuits.
Solasi, my personal champion from last week, is throwing some scotch bonnet chillies into the mix and they seem a bit spicy for Mary B. Paul approves.



I'm a particular fan of Michael's idea of malt chocolate and orange-flavoured biscuits in the shape of little pints.
At one point, I will follow Bake Off for a whole series and try and make everything they do. Am trying not to eat too many baked goods though right now (someone ought to remind me of this when I go back to uni with its extremely accessible Greggs and its alluring chicken bakes please). Maybe I could just donate my bakes to neighbours or if they're superbly tragic I'd just leave them for the birds to check out.
Benjamina is making flower bouquet biscuits - cute. Jane is making a similar bake as she's a garden designer, what a flipping cool job. And Rav has chosen the rather refreshing-sounding combination of coconut and lime flavours for his biscuits.
Having seen in the preview bit that someone drops their biscuits, I'm quite nervous-OH NO! IT'S LOUISE NO....she has to restart. I would be crushed.



Candice oh my goodness. Salted caramel double-layered heart-shaped biscuits and she has a pug called Dennis. She's winning me over gradually.
It feels like Mel hasn't done a hi-five for a while, she didn't really know what to do with her arm afterwards. Me too Mel, me too. In fact I think I'm allergic to hi-fives, along with some weird face paint I used in 2004.
Biscuits down! I repeat: BISCUITS DOWN. Val's, to be exact. She's being pretty cool about it though: "ice creams aren't meant to be identical anyway". Yes Val, screw the rules, this is the Great British Realistic Bake Off.
Results time! And there's a few issues: Andrew's biscuits are too soft, Louise's are more like scones (not a bad thing in my book), Val's were too messy and she didn't make enough. Not all bad though.
Now for the history bit - why have I never dunked biscuits in booze?! It truly sounds like a quality use of one's time. Thanks for the lesson, Sue.
Challenge 2: 12 Viennese whirls. Frankly I'd forgotten what these were but oh holy cowbell Mary's example has reminded me and they look de-licious. I bet M & P are going to eat them now and that's just not fair, I object.
The first instruction is just 'Make a jam'... I'm not ready to enter Bake Off just yet.
Now everyone's getting around to baking the biscuit parts. Tom's checking for soggy bottoms, a good move.



Solasi's having crumbly results and so is Louise if I've correctly identified her Welshness.
And at the end of this round, Solasi is in last place! Whaaaaat. Benjamina in third, Jane in second and Kate in first. Kate the Bake Off dark horse (ok yes it's only episode 2 but so far she seems like it).
At this point, Paul and Mary are saying that Solasi, Val and Louise are in the danger zone. Yikes.
Challenge numero trois. The showstopper this week is a '3D Gingerbread Story' which is basically a scene with characters/objects on it that's at least 30cm tall and made of gingerbread. Obvs.



Val is making a structure inspired by her roots in Yorkshire, the Netherlands and New York while Louise is re-creating her wedding day. How sweet. Eyyy, gingerbread, sweet, eyyyyyy.
Ambitious Candice, on the other hand, has set herself the mission of building a gingerbread pub as she was brought up in one. A normal one that is, make of bricks and tiles and stuff.
Tom is recreating his near death experience on a mountain....alright, Tom.
37. That's the number of pieces of GB Andrew needs to build his Cambridge bridge and boat spectacular. Woaoaaoaoh.



"The children are cooked now" - Kate the GBBO dark horse 2k16
This does admittedly look like one of the more stressful bakes. It's basically a timed sculpture exam.
Jane is now expressing how much she hates gingerbread. This is what Bake Off does to you.
Oh jeeeez Louise and Val are not having a good week! Both of their structures have collapsed and there's no more time left for them to fix them.



I'm so invested in these bakers already, I don't want any of them to leave.
And the gingerbread results! Andrew's is incredible and apparently it tastes great. Top quality.
Paul just decapitated Val's sister. In biscuit form. Who tastes good, he says.
Kate's creation looks perfect and it tastes...not gingery...oops. Michael, though, has made the best tasting gingerbread so far. Too bad it looks like aged 9 Michael decorated it.
Candice's pub is gorgeously detailed. It even has an edible pool table. Wowee. Surely she deserves this week's Star Baker title, for this bake alone.
And she gets it! Hooraaaaahhhhh
The bad news: Welsh Louise is being sent home.

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