67 Thoughts I Had Watching GBBO - Episode 5

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  1. WHERE DO THESE PEOPLE GET THEIR BLAZERS FROM? Seriously. Mel's in bright yellow. I feel like I'm missing out by only owning one blazer.
    SO yellow
  2. Theme music time. Duh duhduhduhduh, duh duhduhduhduh, duh duhduhduhduh (etc etc)
  3. 'Free from' week. Très intéressant.
  4. Challenge 1: bake a cake without sugar (as in sugar from a bag). I've made one of these before, simply because we didn't have any sugar in the house, and it worked. Ish.
  5. Ian's using pear. The other ingredients don't matter anymore because pear is an immediate winner for me.
  6. RNM*'s smile just lit up my soul.
  7. Paul 2.0 then made a laughing sound I could have sworn featured in The Shining.
  8. A gel..jel..gelouise (?) sponge? Yeah okay I don't know what that is
  9. Tamal's got his syringes out again.
  10. Nadiya's blending stuff. And she's using basil seeds, which I didn't realise were edible. According to Wikipedia, they're "used in Asian drinks and desserts" because they become jelly-like on contact with liquid. I now feel like a culinary Einstein.
  11. Back down to Earth now. Turns out there's a lot more theory to cream cheese icing than I thought.
    YEAH THIS ISN'T TERRIFYING AT ALL
  12. Alvin's finished with half an hour to go. Looks dodgy, but he's done a pineapple upside-down cake a.k.a. the tastiest cake ever so frankly I couldn't give a monkey's butt. GO ALVIN.
  13. Ugne's has gone all runny. She's trying to resurrect it whilst it's in the fridge. I feel like she has more chance of spontaneously combusting.
  14. Cute Beardy Tamal up first. Mary in her light blue blazer says it was very good.
  15. Ian's got shunned for his use of pear. Apparently it's not good for an unsweetened cake, says Original Paul. I volunteer as tribute diner.
  16. Asking if some flowers are edible whilst biting into them isn't always a great risk to take. Answer: they weren't, Mel.
  17. Is it bad that I don't care about Nadiya's cake and just want her cake stand instead?
  18. Yes, Alvin. It worked!!! HOIGH FOIVE.
  19. Challenge 2: gluten-free pittas.
  20. Apparently they need a "sticky dough, rather than a wet dough". Thanks Paul 1.0, I totally already knew that.
  21. Can RNM release a rap song called 'Psyllium' please.
  22. Paul 2.0 is on Paul 1.0's sticky dough wavelength.
  23. Oh, Alvin. Oh please don't make triangle pittas they're just not meant to be triangle DON'T DO IT ALVIN
  24. All this sitting around is making me nervous. Bread, why you no prove.
  25. NO ALVIN A NAAN BREAD IS NOT A PITTA. A naan bread is a curry shovel. A pitta is a universal hummus cradle.
    Here he is at the beginning photoshoot, blissfully unaware of the pitta/naan divide
  26. Oven time. How they know what to do at this stage in a bake is still beyond me.
  27. Do Mel and Sue come up with their puns beforehand or do they just improvise during filming?
  28. I've just eaten a bunch of rice cakes and I still want to eat about 4 pittas right now.
  29. Mary and Paul. Maul. Pary. Both of those are awful.
  30. Ian's pittas ain't so good. THE GAME IS CHANGING!
  31. RNM is slowly but surely developing his ability to express his emotions through his eyebrow movements alone.
  32. Nadiya not giving it away at all by having her hand over her mouth while they examine her pittas.
  33. Alvin wasn't accused of making naan. Thank god.
  34. Oh wait, he came last.
  35. Cute Beardy Tamal** is looking cuter by the episode.
  36. Yay, Nadiya!
  37. Tamal, you are never terrible in my eyes.
  38. In trouble: Ugne and IAN. IAN IS IN TROUBLE OH MY PITTA.
  39. Challenge 3: ice cream roll. Dairy-free, that is. It has definitely been way too long since I've had an ice cream roll.
  40. Paul 2.0 having an amused yet shifty look on his face while Sue talks about milking cats. Hmm.
  41. Tamal, you don't have to prove yourself. You're already magical.
  42. No pressure then, Mary.
  43. Original Paul Blue-eyed Hollywood laying down the Showstopper expectations. Lethal.
  44. Let's hope Mary, Sue, Mel and Paul like coconut, then.
  45. Apparently Alvin's ice cream roll flavouring smells like sun cream. Sun cream and ice cream go together though don't they. On a beach. Kinda.
  46. This is why Tamal is at the level of great that he's at. Passionfruit - yes. Pineapple - yes. Meringue - erm, yeah. Is that chocolate?! Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
  47. Ugne: 

  48. That's right, Ian. Paul 2.0 does not have a yellow duck. Not sure it gives you the edge though.
  49. Nadiya's strawberry and lime idea sounds am-aaa-zing.
  50. This sponge appears to be the most difficult thing to bake so far. How do they know the timings?!
  51. RNM's sponge is "crispy". Yeah, that may not go down so well. This is no time for a crisp sandwich (said no one ever).
  52. I could lie and say that I know what's going on, but I really don't.
  53. Oh noooo. Alvin's got too much ice cream. Paul 2.0's giving him a hand. I think the best way to do that, Paul 2.0, would be to eat some of it.
  54. 5 minutes left!!!!!! Oh wow oh wow oh wow

  55. Tamal's using his tiny bunting! And it's judging time.
  56. "I've got a bit of a crack" - Mary Berry 2k15
  57. Flora's sponge wasn't thick enough. Yikes.
  58. RNM's turn... maybe I should ignore this one. His ice cream had fallen out before it got to Marywood/Paulberry.
  59. Alvin has created something that would look at home in Antarctica. If Antarctica was covered in meringues and not snow nor ice.
  60. I see even the cameraperson can't resist Tamal's face, despite it being Alvin's turn to be judged.
  61. Paul 2.0 you legend.
  62. NO PAUL 1.0, DON'T SAW HER IN HALF YOU MONSTROUS BEING I HAVE A RIGHT MIND TO COME OVER THERE AND I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE I'VE GOT DISTRACTED BY IAN'S NOW
  63. Ian. Ingenious. Iangenious. That was easy. Seems like he's saved himself from leaving the show this week too.
  64. Nadiya! Star baker! Yaaaay!
  65. Who's going out though..........tension....................Ugne! Awwwh. Bye, Ugne.
  66. Yes, Nadiya! You are awesome! Pride, yeah!
  67. Next week: Paul 2.0 makes a weird unsettling growling sound, and pastry is made. Or maybe not made, as it could always go wrong (I swear I do have faith).

*RNM = Red Nose Man (a.k.a. Mat)

**Since watching episode 5, I've come across this article about Tamal by Daily Mail, which at one point reads "with viewers confessing to casting Tinder aside when he's on the screen"... ~~~

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