One blissful evening in the realms of Summerfell, my friend Holly was on her daily hunt for sticks and feathers to add to her nest. It was almost sunset, and Holly was running late thanks to her 4-hour-long Skype call with Mike Calzone, her American friend with fine curls of Parmesan for hair. They'd met on-line when Holly mistook him for Nick Miller, and Mike got a bit embarrassed but then she sent him a giant burrito and it was all OK. As she arrived back at her tree, she looked up to admire the sky, her arms full of dazzling peacock wings that the ancient fire peacocks had malted off, and noticed a strange metal object stuck on a high branch. An umbrella! Except it was without the waterproof material...so basically just a frame. "What was it doing up there?" she thought in a tiny Russian voice.
Suddenly Holly had no more time to wonder as the howl of the Midnight Wolf signalled that it was no longer safe to be out. Locking the bark door behind her, she climbed the staircase to her branch, lay down the fresh feathers she'd collected and made herself a warm cup of rose hip tea.
"Psst."
Holly swore she hadn't let any creatures in by accident. Must have been the wind.
"Pssssssssssssssst. Over heeerrre."
Holly swiftly turned her gaze towards the direction of the voice. She was now looking at the umbrella frame; she could see a flutter of wings.
"THE MYSTIC PURPLE NETTED MINIATURE GOOSE OF TIME AND SPACE!!!!! What on Ferdinandio's Planet are you doing here?! Aren't you just a legend and figment of imaginations?!"
"Hahahahaha. Ha ha. Hahah Ha HAAHA HA HE HU," evil-laughed the Mystic Purple Netted Miniature Goose of Time and Space!!!!!. "I don't actually know."
"Oh. Well, bye then-"
"NOOOOO! I KNOW IT WAS FOR SOMETHING. MY INNER GPS, WHICH STANDS FOR GREAT PENGUIN SUBSIDISER led me here....do you own any penguins?"
"No," sighed Holly, twisting her dark blue hair between her silver claws.
"Okay well then it must be because I need to tell you about someone who is going to pass by your tree tomorrow at exactly 2:42pm and I can't say who and I can't say what but it will happen and when it does you'll know and it will change your life forever and how you view things in your daily life and how you brush your fangs and how you polish your eyes," whispered the Mystic Purple Netted Miniature Goose of Time and Space!!!!!, and with that he flew off into the super slim shady night forgetting that he couldn't actually fly as he got his wings clipped that one time at Goose Camp so he just fell and landed awkwardly with a big thump and then walked home instead.
The next day, Holly awoke to the sound of the golden tapir whistling in the pink lavender fields. It was a thick, mellow sound with the texture of a velvet throw and it wound itself around the branches of the tree, eventually seeping into Holly's ears and interrupting her dream about lemon drizzle. She sat up and crawled along a plank to the Leaf Kitchen, where she concocted a dish of wild berries and pine nuts for her breakfast. As she chewed the healthy nutritious natural goods between her molars, she remembered that something had happened last night. Something strange and unusual. She recalled the purple goose with a long name when she saw one of its feathers trapped in a spider's web further down the tree...and then remembered it falling and her dying of uncontrollable and terribly mean laughter. Poor thing.
Lunchtime arrived and Holly had already been out for her morning trot across the invisible paddock, kicking up the rare psychedelic dirt crisps along the way, so the tramp moles were happy. All of a sudden, she heard a small "HOOT" and a silver wisp of dust approached her as she was climbing up the tree trunk, startling her into a state of shock and hugely massively big awe. Then came the recurring faint squeak of metal, rumbling from the soil and a shining shiny spot in the distance on the horizon. Holly looked at her felt watch - 2:42pm. This time stood out to her for some reason unknown to her but previously revealed in this story. The shining shiny spot expanded until a wobbling bulky silhouette emerged from the crazy concoction of light - a unicorn on a unicycle.
"HOLY COWLOOP!!" Holly cried with textured wrists and she leaped down from the tree, taking the twisted umbrella frame down with her.
"Greetings," chuckled the surprisingly mobile unicorn. "I am your wildest dream and I have come to save you from whatever problems you may or may not have. I see you have welcomed me with a gift oh spindly one."
Holly looked down at the metal mess beside her.
"Oh yes, you can have this, I don't want - I mean, it's my most treasured possession and I'd really prefer to keep it but no, you can have it, of course," she proclaimed, saving her skin.
And so the unicorn scooped up the offering with it's disappointingly matte horn and nodded violently before scooting off and painting "Have a lovely day" with it's tail paint on a nearby skip.
Holly smiled. She crawled back up to her branch and had well and truly learnt that broken umbrellas were not devastatingly useless after all because you can give them to well-wishing unicorns who solve your problems with a message painted with their tail hairs on the side of a disposal receptacle.
Suddenly Holly had no more time to wonder as the howl of the Midnight Wolf signalled that it was no longer safe to be out. Locking the bark door behind her, she climbed the staircase to her branch, lay down the fresh feathers she'd collected and made herself a warm cup of rose hip tea.
"Psst."
Holly swore she hadn't let any creatures in by accident. Must have been the wind.
"Pssssssssssssssst. Over heeerrre."
Holly swiftly turned her gaze towards the direction of the voice. She was now looking at the umbrella frame; she could see a flutter of wings.
"THE MYSTIC PURPLE NETTED MINIATURE GOOSE OF TIME AND SPACE!!!!! What on Ferdinandio's Planet are you doing here?! Aren't you just a legend and figment of imaginations?!"
"Hahahahaha. Ha ha. Hahah Ha HAAHA HA HE HU," evil-laughed the Mystic Purple Netted Miniature Goose of Time and Space!!!!!. "I don't actually know."
"Oh. Well, bye then-"
"NOOOOO! I KNOW IT WAS FOR SOMETHING. MY INNER GPS, WHICH STANDS FOR GREAT PENGUIN SUBSIDISER led me here....do you own any penguins?"
"No," sighed Holly, twisting her dark blue hair between her silver claws.
"Okay well then it must be because I need to tell you about someone who is going to pass by your tree tomorrow at exactly 2:42pm and I can't say who and I can't say what but it will happen and when it does you'll know and it will change your life forever and how you view things in your daily life and how you brush your fangs and how you polish your eyes," whispered the Mystic Purple Netted Miniature Goose of Time and Space!!!!!, and with that he flew off into the super slim shady night forgetting that he couldn't actually fly as he got his wings clipped that one time at Goose Camp so he just fell and landed awkwardly with a big thump and then walked home instead.
The next day, Holly awoke to the sound of the golden tapir whistling in the pink lavender fields. It was a thick, mellow sound with the texture of a velvet throw and it wound itself around the branches of the tree, eventually seeping into Holly's ears and interrupting her dream about lemon drizzle. She sat up and crawled along a plank to the Leaf Kitchen, where she concocted a dish of wild berries and pine nuts for her breakfast. As she chewed the healthy nutritious natural goods between her molars, she remembered that something had happened last night. Something strange and unusual. She recalled the purple goose with a long name when she saw one of its feathers trapped in a spider's web further down the tree...and then remembered it falling and her dying of uncontrollable and terribly mean laughter. Poor thing.
Lunchtime arrived and Holly had already been out for her morning trot across the invisible paddock, kicking up the rare psychedelic dirt crisps along the way, so the tramp moles were happy. All of a sudden, she heard a small "HOOT" and a silver wisp of dust approached her as she was climbing up the tree trunk, startling her into a state of shock and hugely massively big awe. Then came the recurring faint squeak of metal, rumbling from the soil and a shining shiny spot in the distance on the horizon. Holly looked at her felt watch - 2:42pm. This time stood out to her for some reason unknown to her but previously revealed in this story. The shining shiny spot expanded until a wobbling bulky silhouette emerged from the crazy concoction of light - a unicorn on a unicycle.
"HOLY COWLOOP!!" Holly cried with textured wrists and she leaped down from the tree, taking the twisted umbrella frame down with her.
"Greetings," chuckled the surprisingly mobile unicorn. "I am your wildest dream and I have come to save you from whatever problems you may or may not have. I see you have welcomed me with a gift oh spindly one."
Holly looked down at the metal mess beside her.
"Oh yes, you can have this, I don't want - I mean, it's my most treasured possession and I'd really prefer to keep it but no, you can have it, of course," she proclaimed, saving her skin.
And so the unicorn scooped up the offering with it's disappointingly matte horn and nodded violently before scooting off and painting "Have a lovely day" with it's tail paint on a nearby skip.
Holly smiled. She crawled back up to her branch and had well and truly learnt that broken umbrellas were not devastatingly useless after all because you can give them to well-wishing unicorns who solve your problems with a message painted with their tail hairs on the side of a disposal receptacle.
THE END
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